i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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