everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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