Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
