remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
