dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
