Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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