We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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