We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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