You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
