my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
