He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
