Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
