i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
