Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
