The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
