Nicole vs. Life
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
