I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
