Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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