There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
