So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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