Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
