Michael Bay diarrhea
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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