I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
What a dumb baby whore.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
