I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
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