then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
