totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
