I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
