You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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