Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
