I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
