You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
