...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
