My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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