i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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