So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
