before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
