Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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