he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
