My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
