apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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