i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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