shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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