Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
