omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
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