as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
