Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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