yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
