all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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