mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
