Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Boobs speak an international language.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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