Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
