There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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