Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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