She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
