I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
