Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
