Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
