haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
