you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
A+ Viking dick
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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