And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
