Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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