I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize