I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
