I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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