it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
