Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
