You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
