your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize