a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
