Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
