i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
