Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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