Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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